IT WAS WHOLLY UNROMANTIC

A WEST COUNTRY TALE OF LOVE AND LUST

(To be read aloud in the style of Pam Ayres- or failing that try Benny Hill on Ernie’s milk float!))

It was wholly unromantic, given what I was trying to do,

When I went up to my lover’s door,

And shouted “I love you”

He looked out of his window at my upturned face,

And said without compassion,

“You look a right disgrace”,

“Why don’t you leave me alone? He cried,

“My wife is by my side”

But I`d just seen her down the Co-op,

So, I knew that he had lied.

For years he’d kept me dangling with promises so sweet,

He’d leave his wife in Crewkerne and live with me in Street.

Then, SHE leaned out of the window and gave me such a stare,

I was shocked by his duplicity,

Cos the hussy had red hair.

“I’ve always fancied blondes myself” He used to say to me,

As we cuddled in his Skoda,

And let our passions run wild and free.

Betrayed beyond all reason, revenge was on my mind,

And so, without a second thought,

I grabbed the first thing I could find,

A little bag of doggy poo was lying by his gate,

I picked it up and threw it,

At his latest adulterous mate,

Now the months have hurried by and I have met another,

I`m living down in Dorchester with the cheating bugger’s brother.